I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
