My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
3 2 1 whiskey
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
