I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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