My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
