there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
