If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
