I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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