You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
