I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
