Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
