I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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