I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
