literally had 100 drinks last night.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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