i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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