A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
