At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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