I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
