nut hugger
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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