My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
