I met the friendliest cop last night
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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