youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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