Non-Jews are for practice
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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