I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
