It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
