i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
