Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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