I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
