I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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