We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
