So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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