We're facebook friends in real life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
