i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
