What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
