I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
