I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
