I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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