Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
