Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
