I'm really into asian looking animals
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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