Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
