i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
