I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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