If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
