Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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