phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
