oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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