I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
