i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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