Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
