im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
