Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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