i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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