My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!