I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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