Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
