you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
