I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
