Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
