# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
