My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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