I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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