great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
