nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
