I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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