September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
