Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
